I have 11 year old identical triplet girls. All of them have always disliked the attention they get for being identical, especially at school. They think that other kids think their freaks. I don't think they are continuously being teased, but it probably has happened from time to time.

Anyway, one of them (N) very much wants to look different from her sisters and now she wants to wear all black, get her hair dyed black or get blue highlights. Now that we've ruled that out, N wants a perm to have curly hair. Even blonde highlights would probably make her happier, but I don't think my DH would go for that. I've always thought it was over the top for kids this age to get highlights.

I've suggested that N could have a short hair cut, because M has long hair and I has medium length hair. But she doesn't want short hair.

Does she need to see a therapist? When will they tolerate the attention they get instead of despising it?

Thank you,
Cathy

My girls aren't identical but definately don't like to dress alike, have similar haircuts, glasses etc. any more.

Depending on what color their hair is, I would go for the dye or highlights. I wouldn't do black if they are naturally blonde just because it would look wierd with their coloring, but subtle changes might just give her the lift she needs.

You can find many temporary dyes now so let them experiment and have "girl fun". Once she realizes that changing her look doesn't change who she is, she might relax and let go of trying so hard to be different.



Judie and Victor
lucky parents to
Frankie 3/95
Maggie 7/96
Rose 7/96
Elizabeth 7/96

Dear Kathy,
I have a similar issue only my girls are not identical. In fact, they look so different they do not necessarily look like sisters. My girls are so resentful of each other. They always gravitate to the same friends and refuse at this point (13) to share their friends. I would definitely let your daughter get highlights. I understand your feelings, I don't agree with 11 year-olds dying their hair but in 2 years things will be tougher. Your daughter needs to find her originality and she will try to get it any way she can. My daughter S does whatever she can to be different from her sisters. At 11 it was only pointy weird nails which I did cut and she cried for 2 hours. I was so freaked out(I though that was a precursor to cutting) I did take her for therapy. Therapy was wonderful but she has not had it for a while and things have become much more difficult for all of them. I'm not sure how to handle my girls as well. There is so to say if you would like to call me maybe we could help each other. Maybe even the girls can talk. Maybe that would help. My # is 914-271-3205. I hope to hear from you. Sheri

I'm not sure how well you will like my answer, but I am the type of parent that belives that hair is hair. Let her color it...although NOT black..maybe a nice warm brown. My triplts are GGB buy my two girls always hated looking similar ( not ID..but very similar) and I allowed my girlfriend who does hair for a living to let them express themselves with their hair since they were in the 6th grade ( they are high school freshmen now). As long as it fit within the schools rules for haircolor, etc. I allowed it.
Guess what....they were alot happier. I was happier....and most of all it didn't change who they were. My girls are still straight A...honor roll students, and they still love doing new things to their hair.
Just remember....hair grows back.

Tracy
Mom to Triplets + Two
BBG triplets (going to be 15 yrs old Thanksgiving Day!)
B single (10yrs)
G single (9 yrs)

Well, we did end up letting one daughter get highlights - actually a different one. The one that originally wanted the color change decided not to. I was surprised, though, that in two of the salons we went to for opinions, the stylists only wanted to do subtle highlights for their age. So the highlights she got did not require her hair to be stripped/bleached. So she was happy, and we paid for it as her birthday present.

Several months later, another wants a black streak in her hair. That was just $15 and she used allowance money for that. It's under some hair, so it's not dramatic. Then the third wants a light blonde streak. It looks OK and she's happy.

Now people can tell them apart more easily, and that makes them happy too.